Where does the time go?? 11th Dec 2019

Guy 11th Dec 2019

A year has passed and it barely feels like a week since the terrible news and subsequent funeral of my dear friend...I’m afraid that my head is still very scrambled when thinking about Ben and how he won’t be at my fast approaching 50th, or any such future event in anything other than his magnificent spirit. I believe that this is something that will always stay with me in some shape or form, and for that I am very grateful. My story of Ben is one of his friendship and care. For a short time we shared a flat in Nottingham and for me this was my first experience of living away from home and whilst at the time I did not realise it he was doing his best to help me make the transition from living with parents to living in a different way. Ben would listen, asses and take action accordingly (usually by gently poking fun at my skills in the kitchen or how long it took me to get out of the house in the morning) But with the benefit of hindsight I see now how he was making me feel as at home as possible without resorting to being so obvious about the whole thing. This for me was/is proof of his intuitive nature and flare for the lightest of touches but always hitting the nail on the head in terms of what each situation required of him. This is a skill that not many people have and I will forever be glad to have shared our time together and couldn’t imagine a better wing man or indeed leader to help me start life away from home. I think I’ve seen more evidence of this care and friendship from Ben in the subsequent years but for me the time in that less than amazing flat was him near his very best. Much missed but more celebrated. xx 11th Dec 2019

Memories 10th Dec 2019

Steve Wilson (Weave) 10th Dec 2019

I can’t believe it’s nearly a year since Ben died, if I am honest I struggle to accept he is gone. The person who was the most full of life of anyone I knew. As awful as it is to remember receiving that terrible phone call at work on a Tuesday morning, one year on this is a time when it is so much more important to remember how lucky we were to have Ben in our lives. Although Ben went far too soon, there is no doubt that he left a lifetime of memories. I’ve said many times in the last year that “he was the best of us” and he truly was. His legacy lives on in so many ways. Of course in Poppy and Harry, who he loved so much and of whom he would be so proud and in Tracey who is simply amazing and so inspirational in how she has supported her family over the past 12 months whilst her own grief must have been almost unbearable. But his legacy also lives on in the friendships that he was such a pivotal part of and that will endure forever because of him. Some go back years, in my case to first year infant school, some are new and have grown in the past year, like the bond that has developed between the North Newbald crowd and the Derby gang. The new tradition of the “Ben Latham derby” between Hull and The Rams which I hope will continue for many years to come. Ben’s impact on all of our lives will continue in so many ways but as we approach this really difficult anniversary it is important we also look back and savour some of those amazing memories. I am going to single out three stories because they capture Ben’s impact in different ways. There are literally hundreds of stories about the big nights out with Ben and I have to include one of those of course, but there are just as many stories of more intimate occasions, either one to one or as couples or at quieter family events (were they ever quiet if Ben was there though?). Ben’s sandwich year at Carlsberg Tetley is the source of many stories about the big man. The parties at his parents’ house catered for from the brewery shop were legendary (sorry Derek and Pauline), but another benefit was the tickets to sporting events. Many of us got to see Euro 96 games courtesy of Carlsberg and a few lucky souls enjoyed days at the cricket. The cricket days got particularly messy. I remember a particularly enjoyable train journey back from The Oval to Derby with Ben and I playing a highly memorable game of four-heads (look it up if you don’t know!) sitting opposite a middle aged woman trying to read her book. The coin must have fallen on her about 50 times during the course of the journey and each time she smiled and handed it back without a word. Ben and Tracey were regular welcome guests at Claire and my various houses over the years. Firstly just the four of us and then with Poppy, Harry, Jamie and Ben. On a particularly memorable occasion they came up to celebrate my birthday, it must have been in the year 2000. When Claire and I first got together Ben went out of his way to welcome her to our group of “school” friends and Claire and Tracey had got on really well from the start. All of which meant Claire was devastated when, after being served take away pizza at our house for the umpteenth time, Ben confessed to Claire that he didn’t like pizza and had been pretending he did just to avoid upsetting her! Of course it was rubbish but Claire was genuinely mortified until months later when Ben relented and admitted it was a lie. That night went on to be one written into legend, involving vodka shots, Emmerdale’s Lisa Riley, and being ejected by the bouncers for trying to throw Tracey in the Bridgewater canal. On another memorable occasion Ben and Tracey came up to Manchester, this time with Stu, Amber and Derek in tow, to see Derby play Man United at Old Trafford. Derby won 1-0 to secure their premiership place for another year but the most memorable event was Ben egging Derek on to acquire an Australian shield from behind the bar in honour of Amber’s homeland! There are so many more stories (I have already written about the eggs which were the highlight of my stag do), too many to write about all of them but I am grateful every time one of them randomly pops into my mind, sometimes at the most inappropriate moments. I miss Ben every day but these memories are priceless and hearing all the stories from Ben’s friends always makes me smile. I know how proud Ben would be of Tracey, Poppy and Harry but I also hope every so often we can roll back the years and make him proud as we honour him in the most appropriate way! 10th Dec 2019

Three Cream Crackers 10th Dec 2019

Charlie Salter 10th Dec 2019

It's always nerve-wracking meeting your girlfriend's family for the first time. Will they like me? Will I say the wrong thing? Will they serve me things for lunch I just don't like? Will I answer the questions they fire at me? Will they welcome me? Sarah and I headed to Hieron's Wood in Derbyshire for my first trip to meet her family. An icy wind crossed the country as we set off north to the Latham family Christmas to meet my new girlfriend’s parents and two brothers. My heart was beating fast up the M1. A slight sweat on my forehead despite the chilly air outside. As I edged up the icy driveway, the moment had arrived. I kissed Pauline, shook hands with Derek and then craned my neck upwards from 6ft 2 to 6ft 6 to look Ben in the eye as he shook my hand. 'Hi Charlie, nice to see you. You're brave.' As we drank coffee, unpacked our bags, pushed our gifts under the groaning Christmas tree and set about setting the table, I was consumed with: 'what did Ben mean when he said I was brave?'. I'd only just arrived, I'd said nothing, not offended anyone. So what did he mean? Jeez, this could be a long day. A mistake, even. Lunch was served, plates groaning, Derek carving, Lathams shouting, me listening, all of us quaffing. The carving stopped, the eating continued, the interruptions quickened, the desire to report back on lives hastened, the plates were licked, the cross examinations more confusing, the bellowing voices more deafening. 'Well, what do you think of the Latham family meals then, Charlie?' asked Ben. I was going to say something polite about the food, company, a thanks for the warm welcome and thoroughly interesting chat over turkey and all the trimmings. But I'd only got 6 words out before being interrupted again. 'Tricky getting a word in isn't it?' bellowed Ben. 'You just have to shout and keep talking, I'm sure you'll get the hang of it.' I was starting to understand 2 things: how brave I was to step into a Latham family lunch unprepared to stand my ground verbally. Secondly, how kind and considerate this new guy I'd met was. Ben had my corner. Washing up done, Pauline's snooze complete, more half sentences later, we sat down for games. But I wondered what the Lathams could play that involved any quiet time? But my bravery had not yet really been tested. There was the biggest challenge to come. Ben's idea. Ben's insistence. A wonderful introduction to his fun, mischievous and devious side mixed with a genuine warm, welcoming, earnest and honest man. 'Bet you can't eat 3 cream crackers in a minute, Charlie', proffered Ben. Nervous, I looked up, all eyes were on me with anticipation of what the posh southern bloke would say. Would he rise to the challenge? Was he brave? Would he go the way of all previous boyfriends who couldn't take the Latham Lads’ challenge? 62 seconds later, the roof of my mouth was devoid of skin. My ruby cheeks bulged. My saliva a distant memory, my glass of port insufficient for the clearance job required in my mouth. I had failed but I has passed. My bravery intact. The banter with Ben had begun its long and wonderful journey. Ben's deep laugh ringing in my ears, his handshake firm and friendly. After that, the golf ball slipped into my pint glass, shots followed by dressing me up like Dame Edna on Brighton sea front, beer races with all the groom’s party at our wedding. The list of challenges, banter, support and friendly warmth continued unabated. But it never got harder than three cream crackers. 10th Dec 2019

Jenny 08th Dec 2019

Jenny Latham 08th Dec 2019

Some snippets of memories of a fantastic brother in law.... Sandwiches! Apart from Oli – I have never known anyone with the capacity to eat so many sandwiches! …and just a general level of enthusiasm for sandwiches! Ever since I first met Ben – must have been 2009 ish – so 10yrs ago – any family outing has involved a picnic lunch of sandwiches – whatever the weather or season Ben would make a tonne of sandwiches for everyone – and at record speed too, he was very fast in the kitchen! I seem to a remember it became a bit of a joke as I was a bit more reticent about the reliance on sandwiches for every lunch! The Yorkshire Lathams also loved homemade coleslaw – to me this was a bit of a trademark of a Lathams Yorkshire BBQ! (It was good too!) “Have you lost weight?” ……in recent years this became another sort of in joke. After Ben lost a lot of weight – 2013 or thereabouts? He seemed to look slimmer every time I saw him (which was often after a few mths) so my stock greeting on seeing him became “ have you lost weight?” = which was genuine at first and then just became one of those standard things I would say and we would both laugh and mostly he would say no! Hosting Not just a Ben memory but a Tracey one too….so many happy memories of coming to stay at Thiseldine Close and Tracey and Ben just being fantastic hosts – always a warm welcome - and so many ideas and plans thought out, and meals all planned (with sandwiches for lunch if we were going out of course)…and always very thoughtful about what activities we could do which would be good for our younger two as well as Poppy and Harry. Poppy and Harry were always great at playing with their little cousins too! Sense of humour I remember the time that I really saw Ben’s humorous side at another level and that was Tracey’s 40th. Ben had put so much effort into digging out lots of photos of Tracey and various family and friends and then adding little made up sound bites to them – I was in stitches laughing at some of them – it was then that I realised Ben was really properly funny! Look! A cow! This story really tickled me. Ben was relaying to us the time he was in the car with a colleague on the way to a meeting. The colleague, another man, was dad to a toddler…part way through the journey the man points to a field and says “Look a cow…Moooooooo” – presumably forgetting that he is in the car with a work colleague and not his toddler son! The man was clearly very embarrassed and Ben couldn’t stop laughing! Not could I when he told me – I was just cringing for the man! Work hard, play hard Ben’s work travel commitments really seemed to step up a notch in 2017/18 and he was always in demand all over – I remember in spring/summer 2018 he was back to back and it was something like Czech Republic, OZ, China(?), USA – home for 3 days – back to the USA, fly direct to hols in Port de la Selva! Whilst he didn’t like being away from his family he did seem to love and be very good at his job. I remember in Port de la Selva 2018 he received quite a few calls from work – which he took totally in his stride as he knew he was helping to support others or helping major bits of business to move forward. I know from the photos he posted on Facebook that his regular trips to Prague were all a good measure of work but also a good measure of local cuisine, socialising with his Prague colleagues and beer too – he really had a strong ‘work hard, play hard mentality’. In fact, he was one of these annoying people – Oli is a bit the same – that seems to function pretty well even with a rotten hangover! (which is very different to me!) Ever the optimist Ben oozed positive mental attitude / glass half full mentality – he always wanted to see the best in people and things……and go the extra mile in the relationships he really cared about……..and this was just a lovely quality and made him someone that I, and many others, just really enjoyed being around. I’m sure if Poppy and Harry can inherit even half of this they will go far! Whilst clearly we long for longer, I feel very grateful to have had Ben in my life for the 10yrs I did xxx 08th Dec 2019

BENNY BOY - PET RESCUER! 08th Dec 2019

The Cunninghams 08th Dec 2019

I had some great times with Ben over the years. We - that's Michelle, Tom, Dan and I, had some great times with Ben, Tracey, Poppy and Harry. Some were fleeting and over all too quickly - an aborted camping trip to Derbyshire that was abandoned due to "inclement" weather after one night; others were more prolonged - a fortnight in Spain when Dan and Poppy were still babies. Although these were all different - different locations, different food, different activities, they were all the same - they were all just always so much fun, and generally lead by Ben and his insatiable thirst for enjoying life, for being part of a family, and for ensuring those around him enjoyed it as much as he did. But it didn't have to be a big night out for Ben to "shine", he would make any day a memorable day. And so it was one August bank holiday a few years ago. We had hired a canal boat for the day. We needed to take the boat out at about 8:30 am, so had obviously prepared for the early start as we often did, with some late night drinking, snooker and cheese and biscuits. Waking the following day (at least one of us with a sore head) we prepared for the adventure ahead. This consisted, as it often did with Ben, of ensuring we had food for the day - bacon and eggs for a fry up on the boat, and a picnic for lunch. We packed up the cars with the kids, the food, the dog and set-off. The day was a "Ben day". We set sail, if that is what you do on a barge, Ben at the wheel (well, the rudder) taking control of navigation. Breakfast, the aforementioned fry up, was soon served and we continued on our way. The morning consisted of relaxing through the Leicestershire countryside, Ben assuming control through the locks, giving the kids the chance to "drive" and do the opening of the lock gates, catching up with each other and sharing stories. Family was everything for Ben, and he made sure that that day was a proper family day. We stopped for lunch, outside a pub of course, and feasted on sandwiches, pork pies, sausage rolls, cake and real ale. On the return trip, whilst traversing another lock, Max, our somewhat stupid Spaniel with bigger ears than brain, decided it would be a great idea to leap from the gradually lowering boat, to the canalbank. Max got it wrong, and fell into the water, between the side of the boat and the wall. Max was in trouble, big trouble! Ben was the only person on that side of the lock, and very quickly and calmly somehow reached down into the lock and scooped up a very wet and scared hound from the torrent around him. Ben was a hero! He had saved a dog and saved the day! We celebrated of course, in the only way we ever could with Ben, with a few drinks at one or two hostelries on the way back. As I said that was a Ben day, fun filled and food centric, with family at the (big) heart of it all, and a story or two to tell at the end of it. We took those days, those weekends, the Cunningham trips to Hull, the Latham trips to Leicester, the shared weekends camping, for granted. That's not a bad thing - it was effortless to have fun and enjoy those times we had as a family. But we would give anything to have just one more day like that one. 08th Dec 2019

Ben – the always-smiling-gentle-giant 01st Dec 2019

Alan Manzoori 01st Dec 2019

I was lucky enough to be at Uni together with Ben, in Hull. We had the same seminars and lectures for our first year (92-93). The first time I met Ben outside of classes was at a Bluetones gig at the Hull University next door. A tiny venue with a low ceiling. I was in the middle of the ‘bouncing’ crowd, when suddenly next to me there was Ben having recognised me from our seminar group – looking ‘down’ at me with his massive smile. I’m not sure when he first told me about his dyslexia – probably the first time he pulled out those white framed rose-tinted glasses in a lecture and I p****d myself laughing. He explained that he was dyslexic and I apologised of course. He then went on to tell me about the ‘gnu’ joke – a poster at the dyslexic specialist’s offices shows a bank robber shouting “nobody move! I’ve got a gnu in my pocket” – and he shared that he had never understood the joke because, being dyslexic, he actually read it as ‘I’ve got a gun in my pocket’. So, I then shared my ‘DNA’ joke “What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association”, which surprisingly Ben had never heard. After he got over the shock of someone sharing dyslexic jokes too, rather than just sympathising with him – we got on brilliantly. Seminars and lectures were great fun with Ben – apart from being a great laugh with an excellent sense of humour, he was also a great debater – ready to discuss the whys and wherefores of anything he was familiar with. I think I really liked the fact that if he genuinely knew little about a subject, he would say so, listen to the discussions and contribute thoughts without pretending he was the subject matter expert. There was never any level of pretence. Of course, being Uni, there were also lots of nights out and heavy drinking– and Ben, with his massive hollow legs could really put them away. Unlike a lot of people when drinking heavily, he was always just happy and great fun to be around. On one occasion, toward the end of the night Ben told us all that he was able to down a Big Mac in one mouthful. We obviously (and stupidly) refused to believe him and demanded that he prove it. Sensibly, Ben insisted everyone else buys him the Big Mac – why should he pay for it, after all he already knows he can do it and he isn’t even hungry. So, we cobbled our pennies (literally) together, walked all the way into the centre of Hull; half a dozen of us crowded into McDonalds and ordered 1 Big Mac to watch him do it. And he did it. And it was possibly one of the most disgusting things I’ve seen – I wouldn’t recommend it. At the end of another night out – this time in Spiders, after many pan-galactic gargle blasters and other ‘colourful’ cocktails containing ‘wiggly worms’ – having tried to keep pace with him, I was emptying my guts across the road from the club and out comes Ben cheerfully proclaiming someone has just started a fight with him! Apparently, some guy (less than average height) had attempted to jump up and head-butt Ben, managing only to cut his own head on Ben’s tooth… I’ll never forget Ben just laughing it off… Who in their right mind picks a fight with this giant! But it wasn’t all alcohol fuelled nights out… far from it. We played squash at least weekly and snooker probably daily – sneaking into Hull Uni to use their facilities and hoping nobody would ask for our Hull Uni ID. I’d like to think that we were fairly evenly matched, but in reality, he usually thrashed me at both – he was quite adept at most sports. My final Uni memories of Ben are at the end of our second year, (I think, cos my memory is pretty rubbish these days). Having completed our final exams/assignments and getting ready for a summer of temp work of one kind or another, a number of us decided to cycle to the beach, somewhere on the Holderness coast and jumped onto our crappy bikes that we’d bought at the start of Uni life and – with no food or water. It was the hottest day of the year! Ben helped me with any dehydration I might have been suffering by throwing me into the sea while we were messing about at the beach. We dried quickly while riding back again. The last thing Ben & I did at Uni was to go and play crown bowls at East Park off Holderness Road. I’ve no idea why we went there (it wasn’t close to anything), or why we played bowls (we were both pretty rubbish at it!) Sadly, we lost touch a bit after Uni, but we did manage another night out, after Uni, in Birmingham this time to watch the James Taylor Quartet. I wasn’t drinking so we drove there and back from his parents’ house in Derby. It was the only time I ever saw Ben be sick from drinking… Luckily, he managed to stick his head out of the window just in time – and he was gracious enough to clean massive streak of his chunderings off the side of my car the next morning! A true gent! I am so glad to have met and been friends with Ben, and regret deeply not keeping in touch. He will be forever missed. 01st Dec 2019

A Message to Ben- The words I could not say out loud at the celebration of your life. 13th Jan 2019

Derek and Pauline Latham 13th Jan 2019

Even though you did not continue with your scouting, you became the epitome of what Baden Powell would have called a good scout. You fulfill each element of the scout promise ‘in spades’: Trusty Loyal Helpful Brotherly Courteous Kind Obedient (latterly) Smiling Thrifty (mostly) Clean in body and (deeply, if not superficially) mind You are full of apparent contradictions: • Gentle with immense strength • Joyful, but seriously focused • Organising and organised, yet light of touch • Inspiring, yet occasionally frustrating • Strict, but only when necessary • Drunk on life – an elixir you shared with all who cared to drink it • On occasion, drunk on beer (and shots) but never out of order • Loving of everybody and everything (except…?) • Faithful whilst not religious • Moral but not righteous • Artistically talented – the full potential of which remains unrealised • Practical, whilst never resorting to instructions – an ability that enabled you to solve problems that others could not conceive But in the end, perhaps most importantly, you have been a most thoughtful and encouraging father, a close and constant husband who extolled the virtues of marriage, a son, the first among equal children, of whom we are immensely proud, of whom we could not have asked for more. You brought us Tracey, for whom our love and respect has grown, year on year, for her quiet, steady support of you, whilst fulfilling her own admirable contribution to community and society. You gave us Poppy and Harry: Poppy, keep on smiling, being positive and resourceful, and developing beautifully, Harry, keep on challenging and developing your mind as well as your love of sport Both of you stay healthy, and support your mum. Become, as dad wants you to be, good citizens of a tolerant world. Ben, Your loss, as our son, is beyond measure, yet you gave us your life - “And in the end, it’s not the years in life that count, it’s the life in your years” Abraham Lincoln. You did as much in 44 years as some can do in 88. We grieve: Mum, who loved you even more than you know, grieves so much I grieve, greater than the loss of my father, whom I loved as much as I believe you loved me, Ben, you will be ever in our hearts, our companion for our remaining lives and, whilst ever we live it, we will not let you die You lay there, smiling in death, as in life. Ben, keep on smiling…. on us ! We love you Dad and mum 13th Jan 2019

New Year reflections 03rd Jan 2019

Ben Johnson 03rd Jan 2019

Pauline asked me to share this piece I posted on Facebook on January 2nd. I'd be trying, like many, to make sense of what happened earlier in December: "Because it’s still the festive period (sort-of), I’ve written something about guilt & grief: I haven’t written anything meaningful for nearly a quarter of a century. Back then, essays, dissertations and long, hand-written letters to friends who had scattered like seeds in the wind were almost daily activities. I used to love writing; taking the time to carefully craft thoughts, arguments and persuasions in my font which would make even the most lackadaisical GP blush. The demands of life post academia & travel never required me to continue the discipline, and - not being one to eschew the path of least resistance - the desire to write for pleasure slowly withered and died. So, why take to the keyboard again now? Guilt & grief. Firstly, the trivial; (isn’t it always easier to deal with the lesser evil first? Clear it off the decks to allow yourself to fully focus on the nefarious monster lurking in the shadows) I have almost completely neglected to celebrate Christmas. This is not the most heinous of crimes. Lots of people do it willfully each year with complete impunity. Truthfully, I would have been fine with it, were it not for friends who continued to be so damned nice & thoughtful, blissfully ignorant of my boycott. So the cards kept arriving, presents too for the kids from all sources. Under normal circumstances, I would do my best to keep up with and, in certain vintage years, outrun the pack with handwritten cards, clumsily wrapped presents for nearest & dearest and an unswerving commitment to alcoholic excess. This year, alas, all have been neglected. Cards unsent. Offspring, god-children, nieces, nephews, parents, siblings, spouse and all other worthy recipients equally overlooked. And why? For that, we need to blame the other ‘g’ who carelessly brought the world to a halt for so many of us on December 11th. It’s true, I was behind the curve anyway, but importantly not yet snugly behind the 8-ball. Time was on my side, and although the Christmas cards may have failed to make the cut, given my keen reliance on urgency & Amazon, I’m confident that none would have been any the wiser come the 25th. Then came that vile day. Things were progressing normally as I worked from home, comfortable in having had a decent year at work and tying up loose ends before a family holiday on the 22nd. Then a phone call from my school-friend Stephen; the type of friend we all have who we love dearly but connect with all too infrequently. My Labrador brain didn’t smell a rat: “Weave!” it told me, “calling for a chat! Unusual, but this is going to be nice.” I picked up the phone with more enthusiasm than normal and responded with a cheery greeting and enquiry as to his general health. “Not well” or something similar was the response. Alarm bells. And then the bombshell was dropped - the gut punch. Our school friend, Ben Latham (unanimously know as ‘Big Ben’, in who’s shadow I was happy and proud to follow as ‘Little Ben’) had died suddenly in his sleep. This, of course, couldn’t be true. Simply couldn’t be happening. I said as much several times to emphasise the point. I’d seen the posts on Facebook of him at the Mumford & Sons concert in Leeds just 10 days before, with a group of school-friends & spouses, looking happier and healthier than ever. But, in the recesses I knew it must be the truth. Overlooking the poor taste of making such a statement were it not unequivocal, not many people could deliver that message with the gravity and angst I’d heard unless borne of genuine emotion, and Stephen certainly isn’t one of them. The details, such as they were at the time, were shared, and agreements were made as to which of our friends I would contact to spread the burden of sharing the most hideous news. I called our friend Eddie to let him know. I spoke to Chris, who Ben’s wife Tracey had attempted to contact earlier (but had been unavailable due to work restrictions on mobile use). Stunned, shocked and traumatic discussions both. I called my wife, who was equally incredulous and agreed to come home immediately. Upon arriving, we collapsed into each other’s arms with bitter tears of raw grief. You see, it couldn’t be happening. Not to Ben. Ben was the hub, the epicentre. Larger than life. Widely known, loved and admired and without whom it was impossible to imagine things functioning with anything like normality ever again. The next days were awful; – and my grief is a puddle compared to the ocean that his family must still be feeling – in the stronger moments, time spent making calls to discuss what help could be provided to the family, offer support to other friends coming to terms with the news, setting up WhatsApp groups and informing others of the tragedy. Being Busy. But there were many hours lying huddled on a sofa or bed, simply staring and crying and just not being able to process the enormity and unfairness of what had happened. My only emotional point of reference was another phone call received many years ago from one of my best friends informing me his youngest son had been diagnosed with a particularly malevolent form of cancer. I think, despite being inherently cynical, I am predisposed to both optimism and logic. These sorts of messages are simply impossible to deal with due to their absolute failure to comply with the most venerable British trait of ‘fair play’. I’m delighted to be able to say that through some combination of medical science, incredible willpower, luck and having the most loving family unit to support him, the child in question not only survived but is in full remission and thriving. However, there could be no reprieve for Big Ben. The grief is a strange thing. Ever present initially and totally overwhelming, it then might relent for a few minutes or hours only to return, viciously, prompted by the most seemingly mundane memory of times shared. And the thing with Ben is there were so many good times over the thirty or more years we knew one another. He was a force of nature, equally awe-inspiring yet terrifying on full-blown night out. Voracious in his appetites both for beer, food and mischief. Yet at the same time, ultimately incredibly kind, caring & empathetic. A 6ft 5 colossus with the softest heart and the best hugs. It was with strange relief that I learnt from Ben’s brother Oli that the funeral would be held before Christmas, on December 20th in Beverley. Although the prospect of the day was terrible, I think many of us were looking forward to uniting in person in our grief. The day itself was remarkable, although the numbers who attended the funeral shouldn’t really have surprised given the man and how he connected so quickly and deeply with all who he met. Since then, life has inevitably moved on, although the loss is still keenly, and sometimes unbearably felt. The real reason I decided to write this, though, is because of the changes in me that Ben’s passing has stirred. Basically, I want to be more like him and use his example to help me ‘be better’ – a well-used mantra from our many hours striding the fairways and strips of the Costa del Sol. A number of other people have spoken about how the events of the last few weeks and words at the funeral have touched them and inspired them to re-evaluate their outlook on life. It’s very easy at this point to fall into a world of cliché and banality, which I’m hoping to avoid but I fear may ensnare me at points, but please bear with me, after all, I am recently unfamiliar with the written word. That said, here are some of my Ben-inspired thoughts and resolutions for 2019: - Nothing can replace time spent with people you love. Case in point was our skiing holiday in Morzine this Christmas. Firstly, there was virtually no snow. Secondly, the kids hated ski school. Thirdly, due to this, Jessie and I barely got chance to get our skis on. Then I got a virus / man-flu for 72 hours. However, although the holiday was pretty much a washout from our eyes, I’m pretty sure the kids would say they loved it; they didn't even really miss the presents. And I think that’s mainly because we were all just hanging out together (albeit in a wildly expensive chalet in France when we could have been doing the same thing at home). Another thought – the last time I saw Ben was on a school-friend’s reunion in the Peak District in May. We had a brilliant weekend, despite me being slightly run ragged doing the weekend, including 5 hour drive each way, solo with two small kids (as Jessie went down at the last minute with toothache). I very nearly threw in the towel at that point, but the lure of seeing old mates for a couple of days was enough to invigorate me to pick up the car keys. And I’m so glad I did because I will never forget the time we spent, particularly the long family walk on the Saturday morning where Ben, of course, helped carry Lexi & Leo much of the way. So, in 2019 do more stuff with the people you love - Be kinder and more generous with your time. Ben was incredibly good at this, and despite the pressures that many of us have through work, travel and family always managed to make time for people who were precious to him, of which there were many. I want to be a lot better at this in 2019 - Make every moment count. Just watching the pictorial tributes to Ben at his funeral, you could see a man who squeezed everything he could out of life. I doubt Ben said ‘no’ very often, and I’d like to be more like that. Keener to embrace things which are outside of the comfort zone and may seem inconvenient. Of course, something like this makes you aware of your own mortality and that there is no point putting off things for a future which may not even exist. It’s a reminder to get out more and generally get fitter as 44 is no age to be leaving your family, and to Tracey, Poppy and Harry I’m truly sorry you lost your husband and dad so young For anyone dealing with grief, I found the writing of the comedian Rob Delaney, who recently lost a young son, to be incredibly powerful and cathartic. There is also a blog entitled ‘Me After You’ which deals with the subject of loss far more eloquently than I could hope to. Finally, Ben, I love you & will always miss you. You were like a brother to me and will never be forgotten. Little Ben" 03rd Jan 2019

A true Gentleman 24th Dec 2018

Jon & Annie Duffin 24th Dec 2018

We met Ben through a mutual friend after University and from the very beginning his warmth, kindness and huge appetite for life shone through. We were lucky enough to have shared some memorable evenings and weekends and experienced first-hand the extraordinary capacity that Ben had for everything! Trying and completely failing to keep up with Ben was a true rite of passage – continuously finding a golf ball in your drink, industrially strong garlic bread, funnels of beer, any sport, the last one standing at the bar. We were very lucky to have met Ben, a true Gentleman. 24th Dec 2018

Ben the Pied Piper of Paris 20th Dec 2018

Zoe 20th Dec 2018

Ben, Hedley and I went to a restaurant in Paris famous for its surprise menus and where George brassens liked to dine. Of course Ben loved the idea of it being totally French and we devoured “tête de vaux” and many other French fancies. Towards the end of the night after several bottles of wine and liquor Ben was convinced he had seen a rat. Neither Hedley nor I could see it but Ben kept saying “there it is” and “again, there look...” we still couldn’t see it. When we finally saw it we informed the restaurant owner and he said “et alors c’est Paris” we all really giggled and it always makes me smile when I think about it. Some suggest the Pied Piper was a symbol of hope to the people of Hamelin and for me Ben was exactly that and more: a symbol of friendship, laughter and certainly one we will never forget. My thoughts and prayers are with his family and many thanks for a lovely service this afternoon. 20th Dec 2018

Sydney sunset at the pub 19th Dec 2018

Jim van Bruinessen 19th Dec 2018

Ben and Martin had come to Sydney for a big client meeting, and Ben's charm had managed to get the client to join us for dinner. We had a wonderful evening at a rooftop bar overlooking the Sydney skyline, telling jokes, sipping beers, great stories, and lots of laughter and stirring! Ben gave as much as he got all night! Bens huge laugh, and great smile, with the sun setting in the background, will stay with me forever. I am so much richer for having known this great man. 19th Dec 2018

Fun Dad 18th Dec 2018

Catherine Messer 18th Dec 2018

We knew Ben through our daughter Eleanor’s friendship with Poppy. Eleanor and Poppy were in the same circle of friends in our little Village and grew up together meeting at Toddler Group then forming a solid friendship at Primary School. The girls did out of school activities together dance,drama and netball and Ben was always happy to do his share of taxiing around back and forth Eleanor loved Bens lifts and always came home laughing at his jokes and messing around on journeys. The girls did lLifestyle together and chose to raise money for a charitable cause the main event was climbing Scaffel Pike. Ben stood in for my husband who was unable to go on the trip and did a wonderful job of entertaining the kids and keeping them safe. Eleanor came home buzzing and loved Bens encouragement and sense of fun helping them soldier on to achieve there goal. Walways remember Bens fancy dress on Halloween. Whilst other parents endured the ritual of taking children trick or treating Ben was the biggest kid of all having as much if not more fun than the kids and his costumes were the best. This is such a sad loss of a fantastic father a loving husband and a wonderful larger than life character who loved fun and always was so cheerful with a big smile for all. Words can not express the loss that Tracey, Poppy Harry and the rest of the family must be feeling. We are so sorry for your huge loss and you are all in our thoughts. Lots of love Cathy, Dave, Charlotte and Eleanor xxxx 18th Dec 2018

Brown Shoes 18th Dec 2018

Emma Banks 18th Dec 2018

The last time I saw Ben was when he was laughing.... he had travelled hours from Yorkshire to London for the day and didn’t realise until he got here he was wearing totally different brown shoes 👞 . I didn’t know him very well but can see just how much he will be missed x 18th Dec 2018

Wainwright, Ingerlund and Peculier Rallying 18th Dec 2018

Ed 18th Dec 2018

In the late 80s / early 90s I was welcomed very much into the heart of the Latham family and got to know Ben well during his formative teenage years. By this stage, Ben was already a gentle giant and a friend to everyone who met him. He was also a very capable and creative artist, something which clearly stood him in good stead for his future career. At 16 Ben was already taller than me, four years his senior, and his Dad. One of my lasting memories of those times was walking Wainwright’s Coast-to-Coast route with Ben, Sarah and Derek. It was late June and Ben had just completed his GCSEs. Being the son of the Chair of Governors, Ben was clearly allowed time off school without risk of his parents being locked up ;-). England were navigating their way through Italia 90 and stopping-off in a pub one day to watch the thrilling extra time 3-2 win over Roger Milla’s Cameroon, was a highlight. There was dancing in the streets of rural Cumbria that night. On another evening, we ventured out to a not-very-local-but-as-local-as-it-got establishment and probably drank a bit more Old Peculiar than Wainwright prescribed prior to a thirty-mile yomp, across hill and swamp, the next day. As it was late and raining heavily, we naively accepted a lift back to our hostel in a Citroen AX GTi from a chap who had clearly taken a shine to Sarah 😉 an who turned-out to be a local rally driver. Being the tallest, Ben rode shotgun into every handbrake corner and power drift, while the shorter three of us buckled-up, closed our eyes and ducked down behind the front seats until it was all over, one way or another. There are many other memories of those times including summers in Port de la Selva, with Ben fruitlessly trying to teach me to wind-surf and Ben selling me his mountain bike for £25, a scam for which I will feel eternally guilty. Glad to see Ben's business skills improved markedly after that... I will always remember Ben as someone who was warm and sociable beyond his years. A son of whom his parents will always be rightly proud. I know he will have been a wonderful husband and a brilliant Dad in later life. For this and many more reasons besides, I know he will be so sorely missed by so many people. 18th Dec 2018

Proud Dad 18th Dec 2018

Sophie Lee 18th Dec 2018

The last time I saw Ben was at Jack and Becky’s wedding on April 30th, 2017. Ben had the kind of face that smiled entirely - when he spoke, his eyes lit up and his loud laugh was heard across the room. I remember very well the day that Poppy was born, I ran around school telling my friends I had a newborn cousin. When I saw her at the wedding, I was astounded by the beautiful and intelligent young woman she has become. Harry was tearing up the dance floor with his fantastic breakdancing moves, while Ben, Tracey and the rest of us cheered him on from the sidelines. It was clear Ben was extremely proud of his children, making dad jokes, poking fun and grinning from ear to ear. Tracey, Poppy, Harry, Derek, Pauline, Sarah and Oli, while we are physically far apart, our thoughts are prayers are with you all. Cheers to Ben, to the laughter he brought into the lives of so many, and the last impression he made on us all. All my love, Sophie 18th Dec 2018

Full of fun 18th Dec 2018

Lindsey Nicholson 18th Dec 2018

I have so many great memories from growing up of spending time with Ben and although I’ve not seen him in person recently, will always remember these times fondly. He was always the organiser, getting everyone together, throwing memorable parties and BBQs and would always make everyone feel welcome and involved. You could not fail to have fun with Ben around. As well as this he seemed to take on a big brotherly role with the Derby girls, making sure everyone was ok, always a true gent. The Duffield Christmas Eve pub crawl (in fancy dress obviously) that Ben orchestrated and was at the centre of for several years is something I particularly remember as being the most fun. Ben was the ring leader and always lead the chorus of ‘that poem’ being the loudest and most enthusiastic chanter before we then made a sharp exit to the next lucky pub 😀 ‘Giving it large’ was a catchphrase I remember hearing a lot from Ben at one point. He certainly did everything to the max and will be missed by so many. My thoughts and best wishes to Tracey, Poppy, Harry, Derek, Pauline, Sarah & Oli x 18th Dec 2018

A true leader 18th Dec 2018

Darren Wright 18th Dec 2018

Two memories stand-out for me... The week before I joined Summit, Ben sent me a card welcoming me to the team and to Summit. I was apprehensive about whether I'd made the right decision, but with that one small act, and the subsequent support, Ben made me instantly feel a part of the Summit family (of which, he is the heart & soul). More recently, I'd been growing frustrated at progress at work, but in what turned out to be my last 121 with Ben, he gave me all the reassurances I needed and made me feel a million dollars in the way that only he could. A true leader, in every sense of the word, Ben enabled those around him to be the best of themselves, gave you the freedom & inspiration to succeed and support when you failed. And he did it all with a smile on his face and a relentlessly positive outlook. He will be sorely missed. Thank you Ben for everything you did. 18th Dec 2018

Big Ben 18th Dec 2018

Andy Brown 18th Dec 2018

I joined Summit during quite a tough time in my life. I was living away from home and taking on a pretty full-on role in a very full-on business. Ben realised this without having to be told because he was an empath - he just knew what was going on in your head even if he didn't know why. And then he did something about it - he always did. Not for gain - but because he was a decent, gentle and caring man. Ben looked after me and guided me through my early weeks. He always made time even when I asked him the same thing for the third time. I loved working alongside him on the Summit Board. I looked forward to every meeting that we took part in together. Our monthly meetings in Prague were particular highlights where we had more time to just chat. I hope Ben knew how much he meant to people - I suspect that, being the modest soul he was, he didn't really appreciate his impact on those around him. I'll miss him, as will everyone who knew him. And I hope that Tracey and the kids can hold on to the knowledge that they had the very best of the very nicest man. Good luck upstairs Big Ben. 18th Dec 2018

The little things with Ben 18th Dec 2018

Martin Corcoran 18th Dec 2018

I could tell you about travelling around the world with Ben - Paris, Prague, Athens, Amsterdam,...Sydney just to name a few! it was like we were married we spent so much time together! We had so many laughs in work and out of work. My most vivid last memories of Ben are enjoying a walk together on Bondi Beach as he talked so lovingly about his family and the special moments I had in store with my own wife and daughter (he also did a lot of laughing about how tired I was going to be!) I also remember our summer awards where Ben spoke so eloquently about his pride in Summit and the values instilled in the family of people who worked there. When Tony Patterson won the 'Changemaker' award for 2018 I have never heard anyone clap and cheer as loud as Ben. He was so proud and pleased for his friend, no hint of jealousy .... just pleasure in other people’s pleasure. I think that was the measure of the man. Tracey had the pleasure of working with Ben (before my time!) but Poppy and Harry weren't quite so lucky... all I can say is Ben made everyone laugh, treated everyone equally, gave everything to support those who wanted to better themselves and was truly inspirational for me and many many (LOTS and LOTS) of people who all try to be a little bit more like Ben Latham when they wake up every morning. Ben will never ever be forgotten for exactly those reasons. Martin 18th Dec 2018

Memories that will last forever ♥️ 17th Dec 2018

Christina 17th Dec 2018

To know him was to love him ♥️ Larger than life, with the best hugs and belly laughs ever. We have such amazing memories and our daughters are talking each day about the way he always included them - Tilda will always remember at camping Ben whisking the older kids away for an ice cream and chill by the river in the next village🍦- she felt so grown up. He always had a lovely way of making you feel special. We love and miss you so much Ben xxx 17th Dec 2018