CELEBRATING THE LIFE OF BEN LATHAM

I danced in the morning when the world was begun,
And I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun,
And I came down from heaven and I danced on the earth;
At Bethlehem I had my birth

Dance then wherever you may be;
I am the Lord of the Dance, said he,
And I’ll lead you all, wherever you may be,
And I’ll lead you all in the dance, said he.

I danced for the scribe, and the Pharisee,
But they would not dance and they wouldn’t follow me;
I danced for the fishermen, for James and John;
They came with me and the dance went on:

I danced on the Sabbath and I cured the lame:
The holy people said it was a shame.
They whipped and they stripped and they hung me high,
And they left me there on a cross to die:

I danced on a Friday when the sky turned black;
It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.
They buried my body and they thought I’d gone;
But I am the dance and I still go on:

They cut me down and I leapt up high;
I am the life that’ll never, never die;
I’ll live in you if you’ll live in me:
I am the Lord of the Dance, said he

Sydney Carter, 1915

Written and read by Derek Latham, Ben’s father

Wow!

How wonderful that you’ve all come to celebrate Ben’s life, and those that cannot be here, those that have left messages and stories and pictures,

thank you, and welcome.

Ben, you are here with us, not just body, but in all our minds, and all our hearts

Ben, there’s only time for me to recall a few, somewhat random, memories for those who have joined us here today:

Your childhood territory was our garden and the close – Stanley Close – a small sloping cul-de-sac in which you and other children raced down the hill, to hit the kerb at the bottom.

Inevitably, breaking your tricycle, we bought the biggest trike I could find for your seventh birthday. It was plastic, green and ghastly! You loved it, and to the envy of all, you won every downhill race on that ‘green monster’.

What? Ben? competitive?

In your younger school years, partly due to dyslexia, you found learning difficult.

Joining Ecclesbourne you entered Remedial Class. Apparently, unbeknown to us until later, you were bullied, but never complained and just laboured happily on.

Then, beyond our expectation, you scraped into the 6th Form and, along with your peers, mentored pupils in the Remedial Class.

You knew what it was like to be in that class, and showed so much patience and empathy with the pupils that they awarded you – the best student mentor.

Your first, and only, school prize, but sufficient to spur you on to a degree at University and a successful career, whilst still ‘looking out’ for those around you.

After A levels, do you remember, you and I were walking between Glasgow and Ben Nevis, along the West Highland Way, when we came across a couple of Kiwis – no not the birds, but New Zealanders – a Navy Lieutenant and an ex sapper. You’ll recall, they told us there would be one night, toward the end of the walk where everyone on ‘The Way’ would have to stay at the Bridge of Orchy, whether in the hotel, or the hostel, or the camp site.

We were going to be there on the same night, as it happened, of the Lieutenant’s birthday. You told everyone we met on the walk thereafter, to be there, and make and take a present.

The result was the hotel pub was packed, especially because those staying miles away, had hired taxis or cadged a lift to join the surprise party,

which resulted in a very merry sing-a -long well into the morning – and ….

a tearful Lieutenant who declared it the best Birthday of his life.

It was your gift, Ben, bringing strangers together as friends.

Fast forward to a few years ago, with Pauline away in Africa, I was helicoptered off Green Gable with a broken knee, and on returning from the Op in hospital, I was hopping around the house in my pyjamas, on crutches, with a bag around my neck to carry my belongings, including my phone, when it rang,

“Hi Dad – How are you managing?”.

“Not too bad” said I.

“Well, open the door then?”.

You were stood outside with an armful of goodies and a suitcase.

Having cleared your schedule, you’d arrived, from Yorkshire, unannounced, complete with food and beer, to take care of me for the next week.

You were ever the thoughtful, helpful, and caring son to both of us

Many of those here will have experienced your commitment and generosity of spirit, Ben, whether as a friend, or at work, but we also know it would not have been possible without your ‘Rock’ – Tracey,

who, together with Poppy and Harry, ‘often had to pick up the pieces’, despite the inconvenience, in order to keep your ‘show on the road’.

So, Team Ben and Tracey, Thank you!  –

Pauline and I are so proud of you for everything you have done between you

Ben, don’t go far, stay near

I love you,

Mum loves you

We all love you

Written by Sarah Salter (nee Latham), Ben’s sister, read by Rev. Becky Lumley

Whilst growing up Ben and I pitted our wits against each other. Arguing over silly little things, doing the kind of sibling point-scoring that results from an innate competitive spirit and annoying brother/sister syndrome. I was always in the right, of course.

He no doubt found his older sister to be a little overbearing at times. But there are many happy memories I have of playing together, cycling round for hours in our street at Stanley Close, sledging in Darley Park in the winter and of many, many wonderful times in a place that Ben, Oli and I, and now all our extended families love so much, Port De La Selva in Spain.

As teenagers we went on some really memorable walks with Dad. Completing the Like Wake Walk (42 miles through the night and following day) during which Ben suffered the most appalling blisters, but still kept going, only to fall asleep in the bath before dinner when he finally made it to the hotel. Possibly the only time he has been known to miss a meal until his more recent success on the 5-2…

After my first year at Uni, when Ben was in the sixth form, we completed The Coast to Coast walk; 192 miles in 12 days. We spent the time singing when the sun shined and bemoaning the cold and horizontal rain when it didn’t – but I cherished this quality time with a brother who was growing up into the caring, strong and often principled man he became.

Ben met Tracey and went on to have his fabulous family way before I was on that path. He embraced that journey so wholeheartedly and with such incredible commitment. As all of you will know, he loved being a husband and a Dad more than anything else and the family unit was always his absolute priority.

Nevertheless, Oli and I did enjoy some hilarious sibling weekends away with Ben. My favourite was the weekend where we went flyboarding in a lake in Lincolnshire. Oh, how we laughed and laughed.  Ultimately both my brothers mastered this bizarre sport that involves tying your feet into boots attached to a board that’s then attached to the thrust of a jetski. You levitate up out of the water and then use your body to dive in and out of the water like a dolphin. Or in my case keeling over like a tree being felled! That was one nil to Ben on the Brother Sister rival chart.

On another weekend the activity was skid pan driving. The sibling banter was full of affectionate teasing designed to put each other off whilst the other was driving. On this occasion I was scored higher than Ben and the old rivalries remained intact. One all draw.

Ever competitive, the last sibling weekend we had involved a stint of go-karting at which I didn’t even stand a chance. Ben enthusiastically threw himself, and his weight advantage, around the track to finish way ahead of me. So, in that sense at least, he has gone out on a high. Two one Ben, nice one.

Ben’s tendency to party is well known. I’d like to take some credit for showing him the way, Like the time when I swore him to secrecy about the house party I was planning when Mum and Dad were out for the night. Ben was not happy at being involved – just for the record! However, as many of you will know the world felt a better place to be when Ben was at your party.

In many ways, we were very different to one another and yet in others we were clearly from the same pod. We were a family of five and now we are four. We were three siblings and now we are two. And that feels so strange and so wrong.  I will miss his positivity, his love of all thing’s family, his practical and pragmatic mind, always able to navigate new technology in a way I never can and his joie de vivre in everything he did.

Written by Pauline Latham, Ben’s mother, and read by Rev. Becky Lumley

Ben was always ‘Big Ben’, weighing in at 11lbs 8ozs and three weeks late.

Ben was always a child who loved to cuddle and believe or not quite shy until he got to know anyone.

When he was about three and Sarah was going to ballet classes he asked if he could join in and Miss Hufton allowed him to do so where he learnt how to march around the room in time to the music.  Maybe this was where his love of fancy dress first began!!

I remember when I found I was pregnant with Oliver, I told Sarah and Ben and he was almost beside himself with excitement.  I asked them both to keep it a secret until after Christmas so that I could get past the 12 week hurdle. He did but when his class was asked by his teacher, Mrs Walpole at the time, what did everyone expect would happen during the next year, he said ‘he thought his Mummy might have a baby’, so the cat was well and truly out of the bag. Once Oliver was born he always enjoyed playing with him and entertaining him.

His dyslexia held him back at primary school but once at Ecclesbourne he started to catch up because they recognised his problem and he spend many hours in the Special Needs department where he was helped by the dedicated team there.  On a Saturday morning he attended the Dyslexia Institute where he also was helped. Once in the sixth form he put something back by helping children in that department who were struggling because he knew just how difficult learning could be.

The computer was the making of him and he learnt to ‘touch-type’ and amazed many secretaries who witnessed his speed.  Thanks to Ann who taught the whole family but he was the only one who mastered it!!

Spoken by Rev. Becky Lumley, taken from messages and conversation with Tracey Latham, Ben’s wife

Going to University was a great achievement, but the real achievement was meeting Tracey, the woman Ben would fall in love with.  It is fair to stay it wasn’t the most romantic beginning, Tracey found Ben annoying – she could not see past him in lecture theatre and when Tracey got a better grade in their studies. Ben said it was because she wore a short skirt. Not the best way to win a girl’s heart. But gradually the couple became friends and Tracey began to notice that that she missed him when he wasn’t at the library.  22 years and 4 days ago the couple went on their first date. They fell in love and began a new adventure together, travelling in an old Fiesta to France and camping in a tent too small for Ben. Ben and Tracey hosted dinner parties where everything would go a little wrong… but they loved entertaining. Ben began his work in Nottingham and Tracey in York enjoying every weekend and holiday together. Eventually, they were able to set up home together.

Ben organised a secret trip to Prague where he planned to propose which led one of the best days of their lives. Their wedding day.

Their Wedding day was one of the best days of our lives. They loved having everyone together. The Honeymoon in South Africa was a special trip as they made a bespoke trip together. They visited the Kroga national park – on safari with no food except lemon biscuits, they went to drackonsburg mountains – finishing at the pools. Ice water from the mountains. They saw animals – Ben loves elephants and they got close to buffalo. All tortoise came out driving around them.

When they finished their degrees Ben worked in Nottingham and Tracey in York. They regularly meet up with friends for weekends and always made the most of the time together.

After 18 month Tracey moved to Nottingham and they shared a flat. Worked hard during the week and started dabbling in dinner parties – always adventurous but it would go a bit wrong. They loved entertaining with good food and wine and cocktail parties.

I will now read a poem chosen by Tracey called ‘He is gone’ by David Harkins.

You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live for yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Written and read by Hedley Aylott, Ben’s friend, boss and godfather to Harry Latham

I met Ben 15 years ago in Powergen’s offices in Nottingham. It was an important meeting as we were there to be introduced to our new boss at the energy giant who had just joined from Boots to head up online marketing. He was literally an energy giant!!

After a year of working together I asked Ben if he would like to come and join us at Summit as I felt his talents were wasted selling energy. He was also great fun to work with, intelligent and I loved the way he thought. Quite a few of my hunches don’t pay off but this one did…

14 years later I could never have imagined how instrumental Ben would be in helping to build Summit from an ambitious internet start-up in HMP Wolds prison to become specialist in online retailing working all around the world with some of the most famous retailers and brands.

Ben told me that what attracted him to Summit so much was both our care and ambition for our staff in the prison who had the opportunity to create new lives through their employment in the digital sector. But also importantly, our ambition for our clients which he himself had felt so keenly as a client at Powergen. The die was cast and Ben became a Summiteer.

What did he do so well?

I’ve reflected on this question of how to simply articulate what made Ben such a force for good at Summit.

At the heart of Ben was a care, consideration and ambition for others whether our staff or our clients. He had a tremendous ability to create an environment where people could collaborate as a team do their best work. He was quite simply an inspirational leader who led through people. He loved people and they felt that.

As a digital marketer he was the best. His consummate understanding of the digital world that envelopes us now was razor sharp, making him such a trusted advisor to all our clients and staff. His honestly and directness to the heart of a problem or opportunity meant that everyone valued the time they spent with him.

When you are running a small business that’s growing so fast its safe to say that every day is full of change and challenges. Ben also exceled at being calm and unflappable. Always highly logical and practical in his approach to everything, our staff would often seek out Big Ben as a lighthouse of valuable counsel in their storm.

However, what Ben had failed to omit from his CV was his love of dressing up and parties. It’s probably true to say that Amazon’s share price has been fuelled over the years by Ben’s love of fancy dress. Whatever the occasion, Ben made no attempt to hide his love of a wig or makeup. It was lucky for Ben that he joined a company that liked fancy dress and parties as much as he did! He also never missed an opportunity to practice his dad dancing and scored a memorable 8 at Summit’s Strictly Come Dancing party.

Above all, Ben behaved with integrity. He always did what he said and expected the same of others.

What did he mean to his colleagues?

Since Ben left us, we have opened a book at Summit for everyone to write down their thoughts about what Ben meant to them. This morning I read through the book and want to simply share the words and phrases that are repeated over and over and over again. They speak for themselves:

You were the life and soul of the party
You were an inspiration to me
You gave me my first tequila shot
You were the perfect combination of work hard and play harder
You always swung me around on the dance floor
You always helped and supported me
You were kind and always there for me
You were a truly great man
You were our role model

And what did he mean to me?

Ben and I built bridges for each other. Where he saw ambiguity I saw opportunity. Where I had vision, he had a plan. Where we saw people we shared a belief in their potential. He was the embodiment of Summit’s values.

Since he left us, I’ve realise he was really a brother to me. Bigger (i’ll admit), loyal, trustworthy, caring, challenging, stubborn but above all, always there for me and his Summit family around him.

I’d like to share a poem with you…It is called ‘So many different lengths of time’ by Brian Patten
 
‘So many different lengths of time’ – by Brian Patten

How long does a man live after all?
A thousand days or only one?
One week or a few centuries?
How long does a man spend living or dying
and what do we mean when we say gone forever?

Adrift in such preoccupations, we seek clarification.
We can go to the philosophers
but they will weary of our questions.
We can go to the priests and rabbis
but they might be busy with administrations.

So, how long does a man live after all?
And how much does he live while he lives?
We fret and ask so many questions –
then when it comes to us
the answer is so simple after all.

A man lives for as long as we carry him inside us,
for as long as we carry the harvest of his dreams,
for as long as we ourselves live,
holding memories in common, a man lives.

His lover will carry his man’s scent, his touch:
his children will carry the weight of his love.
One friend will carry his arguments,
another will hum his favourite tunes,
another will still share his terrors.

And the days will pass with baffled faces,
then the weeks, then the months,
then there will be a day when no question is asked,
and the knots of grief will loosen in the stomach
and the puffed faces will calm.
And on that day he will not have ceased
but will have ceased to be separated by death.

How long does a man live after all?
A man lives so many different lengths of time.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails….For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.   

Spoken by Rev. Becky Lumley, taken from messages and conversation with Tracey Latham, Ben’s wife

But had bought tickets to take Tracey to Prague as a surprise, but Tracey had accidentally found in a drawer. Ben proposed in February 2001 and he and Tracey got married in October 2001. They married at St John’s in Beeston Nottingham, where Ben’s parents had also married. The reception was help at Risley Hall and much fun was had by all. They had a jazz band and Tracey and Ben had had secret salsa lessons, which surprised everyone when they took to the dance floor for their first dance! It was such a beautiful day.

Early in their marriage Tracey won a scholarship to go to America for six months. Ben supported Tracey throughout, but would play on the fact that she was away on their first anniversary to his advantage, specifically to ease his time away on golfing weekends.

Ben came across to America and they had dinner with Roosevelt’s descendants, ice skated in Central Park and did their Christmas shopping together.

Stories shared by Poppy Latham, Ben’s daughter, spoken by Rev. Becky Lumley  

He was really funny and really good at tickling- raspberries on your tummy. He had the best tickle fingers.

We called him Padre.

We really enjoyed going swimming in the sea on holiday – skimming stones, and playing bat and ball in sea. He was always very active.

We played wheelbarrowing (Ben would be the wheel barrow and was moved around the sea putting things in the basket – he would sink)

He took us to Go ape even though he was scared of heights and poppy had to look after him.

He was really just a big kid, going bowling and playing games. Once when watering the plants and Poppy came out to feed the chickens, he sprayed her with water and they had a big water fight.

He loved food and he always tried new things – such as century egg, chicken feet in China. He used to make Scooby snacks for us (like Scooby doo) when mum was at work, which was things like pizza for pudding – with Nutella, sweets and toblerone on the top!

He was a good cook – always making homemade bread and toad in the hole.

He was always supportive of us.

He enjoyed supporting Derby County. Harry was like the mascot – as Derby would always win when Harry went.

He wouldn’t let us use our phone at table but on then he would be on the phone himself!

He would pump in car and then blame it on other people.

He was always reliable. If he said he was going to something- he would be there. He was good at making you feel safe.

When we were in London, he would always walk too fast – and we would have to run to keep up. One time, Tracey and Harry missed the tube – as Ben and Poppy were on the previous train.

He always thought he was right.

He had a very good business voice saying things like – *Deeper*- “going forward the  clients will increase by 25% if you do what we say if you don’t it will decrease by 10%”

Poppy would read to him in the sunny garden (Ben would fall asleep). He would fall asleep on the sofa (but magically wake up when the channel was switched over).

Stories shared by Harry Latham, Ben’s son, spoken by Rev. Becky Lumley  

We played board games together. He fell asleep during cars at the movies. He liked the film – Now you see me. He worked very hard. He liked watching Merlin.

He was funny and very good at maths. He was strong would always end up carrying someone.

He was very good at bowling. He really loved his family. He was really good at hugs but he would poke you or suck your ear.

He was very good at sports – and loved playing squash. Holidays were really important- went to Australia and we went to Spain every other year (Port de la Selva)

We would meet up with friends often and had a big summer bbq every year. He was a great bbq-er.

He liked hosting people. He really liked camping – with friends from the village. He was good at pancake making. Whenever there were fundraising events he would be cooking the meat or paella.

He hated gift shops – he hated the tat – always waiting outside. Waiting outside the girlie shops and Ben and Harry would have to entertain themselves.

He was very good at water fights and kicking the ball around in the garden. He was very competitive and we played PS4 fifa together.

He looked out for people who were struggling – he was very caring and gentle. He was loving and caring.

He was an amazing Dad – 10 out of 10! The house is going to feel very empty without him.

Words from the people in Newbald, read by Rev. Mike Bushby

How Ben will be remembered in the village of North Newbald.

Ben was always there to help with any event.  Be it clearing the Beck ready for the villages annual New Years Eve duck race.  Putting up Marquees and Gazebos in the pouring rain the Friday night before The Village Gala.  Or preparing the School for it’s summer fete. Not forgetting his relentless Barbecuing at any village event.  All the above normally ended in a well deserved pint afterwards, or two, or 3, or 4.

Then there were the camping trips: including the one where Ben once forgot the family tent and promptly dispatched Tracey, Poppy and Harry with the rest of camping equipment on an empty pitch, returning a couple of hours later with said tent.

Walking trips were Big Ben was usually the map reader and children’s entertainer. He was just brilliant at keeping the kids happy. Be it just walking along talking to them or carrying them on his shoulders. He was the uncle all the kids wanted.

The dad’s group which would meet the first Friday of the month in the pub. Ben didn’t miss many sessions.  Once he left France at tea time and still made the pub for 9pm. He was always the centre of these dad meets, with stories of places he’d been, or where he was going.  But always managing to listen when it mattered to any other dads hardships and always remembering to send a text or make a phone call to check they were ok, always thinking of how he could help. Sometimes his listening and presence was enough.  He was our very own Gentle Giant.

Loving and Holy God, as we come
to give you thanks for the life of Ben
a much-loved husband, father, son, uncle,
our companion and friend
We pray for all who loved him.

Bless those who mourn, eternal God,
with the comfort of your love
that they may face each new day with hope
and the certainty that nothing can destroy
the good that has been given.
May their memories be joyful,
their days enriched with friendship,
and their lives encircled by your love. Amen

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come,
thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory,
for ever and ever.  Amen.

And now let us commit Ben to God who is gentle to us at the time of our death. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. In the cycle of life and death the earth is replenished and life is eternally renewed. Go in peace, Ben. Travel safely with our love into the hands of God. Amen.

And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England’s mountains green?
And was the holy Lamb of God
On England’s pleasant pastures seen?
And did the countenance divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among these dark Satanic mills?

Bring me my bow of burning gold!
Bring me my arrows of desire!
Bring me my spear! O clouds, unfold!
Bring me my chariot of fire!
I will not cease from mental fight,
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand,
Till we have built Jerusalem
In England’s green and pleasant land

Written and read by Oliver Latham, Ben’s brother

Ben – my big brother – Oliver Latham

Ben is my brother and he is seven years older than me. For most brothers that made me the annoying younger brother who got in the way and who could not relate. Not Ben. From as long as I can remember, Ben included me. He played with me…well if challenging me to get cookies faster and faster for him and one-on-one American Football counts that is…!

He invited me into his friendship groups. When I was only 9 or 10 I used to play football with him and his school friends. When at uni, he invited me up and we went out with his friends there, in Nottingham I played on his work’s 5-a-side team, and he invited me on to the infamous golf Tash tour.

In my first year at University, Ben asked me to be his Best Man. It was a true honour. I knew how close he was to so many other people. I could count on many hands people I would expect him to ask before me. I always saw myself as Ben’s younger brother, but when he asked me to be his best man I realised that he always saw me as his friend…as his equal. I know now that his friends are also my friends – that is who Ben was – someone who brought people together.

Ben, there was so much more for us to do and share together. I will miss you more than I can currently comprehend, but I know you will always be there for all of us.

We love you and always will. I know your legacy will be further reaching than we can imagine. I know I am coping by asking myself…“what would Ben do?”

It is those four words which will drive me on to do more, to be better, to be more for those around me.

You always gave your time to others selflessly. Your positivity always shone through, it was infectious. If anyone asked you how you were, your response was always positive, knowing that it may lift others. The one choice we can all make is our attitude – you always chose positivity.

And so, I know, if I ask you now how you are, I already know your response!

You are great!

We were lucky to know you, and although you have gone too soon, as Mia said on his website, “you did more than you came to do by far!”

Look down on us and see that you made the world a better place

There have been so many words of support and so many amazing messages about Ben. He was a great man, but he had his faults too – to all of us, I think he actually just ben. So, I want to finish with a short poem I have written called Just Ben.

Just Ben

Ben, you were so much to so many. A giant, a mentor, a drinking buddy, a shoulder, a bear hug, an inspiration…but…just Ben.

Ben, to your friends, you were loud, you were the life and soul, you were funny, you were fancy dress, you were Big Ben, larger than life…but always…just Ben.

Ben, to your family you were comfort, you were joy, you were kind, you were strong, you were tickle fingers, you were the glue…but forever…just Ben.

Ben, to me, you were my brother, my confidant, my advisor, my best man, my best friend…but still…just Ben.

Spoken by Rev. Becky Lumley, written by Tracey Latham, Ben’s wife

At first glance, to many, Ben and I would have seem very different – Ying and Yang, Little and Large, Tea and Coffee but perhaps more Cake and Cheese than Chalk and Cheese! Actually we were very similar.  We held the same family values, work ethic, we loved to organise get togethers – BBQs in the back garden, walks on the beach or in the Wolds, camping trips with family or friends, weekends away visiting friends all over the country. We also love our children, immensely. We are in awe of their achievements, their integrity, their fascination in anything new but also their determination to see things through. Poppy and Harry – you made your dad so proud. He loved you so much.”